5 Things My Horse Could’ve Judged Me For

There is something really beautiful about a horses (and animals) ability to seemingly forgive and forget. Now I’m not going to stand here and say that you can do whatever you want to a horse and they will forgive you and let it go, because that simply isn’t true. Anyone who has worked in rescue or with abused horses would laugh me out of the room. No, what I’m talking about is a horse’s ability to forgive and forget our low moments, our lapses, our less than perfect decisions. When a horse is well taken care of, trusts, and understands the demands their human makes of them, their ability to look past our imperfections- our “human” moments is truly unparalleled.

So without further ado- 5 things I’ve done to my horse that he could hold against me, but doesn’t.

1: The girth. Oh boy. If you’ve been following along for a while you know that my horse, Beau, absolutely HATES the girth. It has been a major source of anxiety for him and something we have spent a LOT of time working through. I have asked him to wear a girth many many times, often before he was ready or accepting. As I learn more and expand my equine body language repertoire, I look back on these moments with guilt, regretting pushing him past his boundaries. However we have (with a lot of time and energy) managed to keep our relationship mostly separate from this anxiety, and I am so grateful for this. Through non-demanding time spent together, counter conditioning, and a lot of quality time, he somehow manages to forgive me for bringing out the girth. 

2: The trail ride. Another instance of pushing my horse way past his limits and comfort zone, as well as physical ability. About a month ago I took Beau on a weekend camping trip in West Virginia. I don’t think either of us were prepared for the demand, and it definitely took a toll on both of us. Thankfully Beau has, in his core, a really good mind and body, and managed to carry me through it without any (major!) incidents. 

3: The mounting block. When Beau and I were first getting to know each other and learning how to operate as a team, we encountered a road block- specifically mounting. This is another time where my own desire to ride and get going with the “fun stuff” caused me to overlook the signals he was sending me. To put a long story short, I was attempting to lay on Beau off of the mounting block and he told me “NO” pretty loudly, causing me to fall. He got even more upset because of this, and I know that the entire incident pushed him WELL over his personal threshold. 

4: The nose tap. Alright, this one isn’t maybe as extreme as some of the others, but it’s worth talking about. I use food rewards with Beau and have from the start. But I haven’t always been well educated (and definitely am no expert!!) and have made a LOT of mistakes. One thing I did was tap him on the nose when he would be pushy and demanding treats, prior to teaching him a “default treat position”. Now I’m not saying I’m opposed to positive punishment (adding something aversive) but this was definitely not the time or right way of teaching respect with food rewards. Thankfully I have great mentors who helped to teach me the correct way of using food rewards and we managed to move past this. 

5: The trailer ride. If you’ve been keeping up with my page you’ll know that Beau (and the rest of my little family!) and I recently moved out to California. I don’t own a truck and trailer, so Beau was shipped by a professional. They did a wonderful job, but I don’t think any horse can get in a trailer for a week and not come out the other side traumatised. While I wasn’t there at pickup I was there at the dropoff, and I was of course responsible for this journey. He came off the trailer covered in rubs and little cuts, skinny, and dehydrated. The shippers did a great job of providing him with electrolytes, hay, and taking him off the trailer every night. However it took its toll, and any human would harbour some serious resentment after a journey like that. But he, with a lot of let down time, is fully recovered and just as happy as before. Even the day after he got off the trailer, he was engaged and interested in me, not sulking and holding a grudge. 

If anyone is familiar with the work of the incredible Dr. Jenifer Zeligs, she talks about the “relationship bank account”. This is the idea that every interaction you have with your horse (or anyone really) either adds or subtracts to the relationship bank account. Good moments build up your relationship bank account (think feeding, scratches, anything that your horse enjoys) while demanding or negative interactions withdraw from this bank account. So the moments I discuss above all represent significant tolls on the relationship bank account that Beau and I share. 
Of course I can not speak to how exactly Beau feels about me or these moments, but going off the evidence I have available to me, I feel confident saying that our relationship bank account is still in the positive. Thanks to the work he and I have put in together and the beautiful nature of horses, he has forgiven me for these moments. That’s not to say that they do not carry some sort of trauma or residual issues, but that our relationship is able to exist beyond that. Through training and positive, small approximations, I am confident that we will be able to overcome these issues. In the meantime, I am forever grateful for the trusting and forgiving nature of the Horse, who chooses to  look past our demands and mistakes, and honor our relationship instead.