Self Sabotage- The Equestrian Version
A few years ago I remember having a conversation with a mentor of mine. She was discussing her personal horse and saying that she felt like she needed to sell him, as she would “never be able to train him to reach his full potential” (he is a very talented, athletic, Frisian cross she had bred). To my ears this sounded insane- she possessed skills I could only dream of and had been training horses her whole life. But as I’ve gotten older and gained more experience in the horse world, I’ve begun to understand what she was describing to me that day. It’s the mentality of self-sabotage, and it’s a trap I’ve found myself falling into lately.
What is self-sabotage?
For anyone wondering what, precisely, self-sabotage is, it “occurs when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder our own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values (Brenner, 2019)”. It seems to me that this is a mentality that many equestrians adopt, whether consciously or unconsciously.
I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand or explain this, but it does seem to boil down to a few basic things.
- The horse world is an extremely competitive environment, where judging and criticism are quite literally, bought and sold.
- Most horse people want to do the best they can for their horses, this leads to pursuing knowledge and improvement. Not in and of itself a bad thing, but it can quickly lead to self-doubt and criticism.
- The ever-present aspect of social media in all of our lives. I LOVE the equestrian community online. It has given me inspiration, mentors, and so much joy. But it can become very easy to use social media as a tool of self-flagellation. When we are bombarded with expertise and people who are doing things professionally it can become all too easy to see our own (perceived) shortcomings.
- Fear. Not creating that YouTube channel, not going to that show, not riding with that trainer… most of us make some sort of choice out of fear, and the potential for things to go wrong. We worry so much about how others might perceive us (see C) that it (maybe inadvertently) prevents us from taking the necessary risks to move forward.
All of that to say, self-sabotage and the negative spiral that so often accompany it are a natural reaction to stress and other negative thought patterns.
What is ACTUALLY important?
When we look at self-sabotage we are often looking at our failures. “What could I have done, been, said, etc. if I wasn’t sabotaging myself?” And while I do agree that it is important to be clear about the areas in our life where we might be sabotaging ourselves, it seems to me that it is equally important to look for what is truly important. Goals and making progress are wonderful things, but I highly doubt most of us got into this sport to execute a perfect passage or jump a 1m course. We got into this sport because we LOVE horses. The way they look, move, the way they make us feel. So when we boil it back to our “why”, which will be different for everyone, it becomes a bit easier to contextualize our own difficulties. Sure, I may have had a bad lesson- in my mind. But when I went out to the field to bring my horse in, he raised his head and trotted towards me happily, eager to see me and be with me. Isn’t that more important?
Stripping our thought processes back to the underlying “why” can be a useful and necessary exercise when we launch into a spiral of self-doubt and sabotage. I’m not saying it’s the be-all-end-all cure for frustration or anxiety, but it is a useful way to keep things in perspective, and one that I hope to keep in mind going forward. Oh, and my mentor kept her horse, and the two of them are doing phenomenally these days!
You May Also Like
